30/365: I Needed a Hat

On Monday I realized I could not find my hat and I was going skiing the next day.  So, having some free time on my hands without the kids, I sat down and I knit a hat.  I really, really like it!

19/365: One of Those Days

I love my job.  I love the company I work for.  What I love most is that it is an escape from what I am going through in my personal life.  I can go to work and just focus on tasks and talk to new friends and not have to worry about the divorce.

Today, however, was not an easy day for me.  At the end of my shift my co-worker placed her latex glove on the counter like this:

This sums up my day.  I apologize for being a downer.  I am fine now, but this is the only picture I took today and it sums it up quite perfectly for me.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I will make it a good one!

3/365: I Have a Job...

...that I absolutely love.  

I have always loved eating at Me & Ollie's, but now I get to work for this wonderful local company.  They recycle and compost and buy from local vendors.  They share my values and I am so happy to be a part of the business.

No matter where I work, I work hard and I do my best.  I appreciate everything I have and do not want for more.  I work as much as I can within the limitations of my husband's request to work around his work schedule so that he does not have to pay for childcare.  This means I can only work a limited amount of hours a week.  Someday my kids will both be in school full time and I will be able to work more, but for now, Me & Ollie's is a dream come true.

I appreciate and welcome comments, positive or negative.  My only request is that if you decide to comment, do not hide behind "anonymous".  Own your opinion and I will respect you for it.  Thanks for reading!!

1/365: But Now It Just May Be A Happy New Year

Divorce may begin my 2012, but it is only the start of what I will ensure is a very happy year for me and my beautiful children.  Yes, I might have to apply for assistance, but that just means I am taking steps toward a better life for us.  Yes, I may not be able to afford to heat my house, but that just means the three of us get to snuggle really close on the couch when we are not watching television.  Yes, I might have to shop at thrift stores... wait, I love shopping at thrift stores!  It is going to be a fantastic year!

God has blessed me and I am truly thankful for all of the gifts He has given me.

I am not making resolutions.  Instead I am starting my very own "Happiness Project".  I started reading Gretchen Ruben's "The Happiness Project" very recently and thought I could benefit from trying to make myself happier.  Not that I am not already happy.  I am a happy person just by nature, but I know that with some changes I could be happier.  For the month of January my focus will be on boosting my energy.  I completely stole this from Gretchen's project, but hey, why reinvent the wheel.  It is a great place to start.  If I have more energy, how could I not, in turn, be more happy?

This January I will:

• Go to sleep earlier
• Exercise more and more effectively
• Simplify my house
• Accomplish one big nagging task
• Act more energetic

I began the year with my second ever 5K race.  I ran the Resolution 5K in Portsmouth, NH.  This was huge for me, not because of the run, but because I did it completely alone.  Yes, there were hundreds of other people there, but I didn't know any of them.  One of my biggest obstacles I need to overcome is doing new things, even if it means doing them alone.  Oh, and I lied, I did run into my therapist along the race route.  We said hi and I kept running.  I need to call her...

I am also starting the year with a new 365 Project.  Day One brought the kids and I to the top of the fire tower to watch the sunset.  It was a gorgeous night.  Cameron took along his DS and took some sunset photos too.  Maybe I will try to get him to do a 365 project.  That would be fun!

Day One:  Sunset on Stratham Hill

Happy New Year everyone!  I hope you all have a very blessed and wonderful 2012!

I'm Back!

And so, my friends, is BOKEH!  Yeah baby! 

Tonight I let the kids go to town on a gingerbread house.  It is from a kit, so don't get all excited!  Yes, filled with high fructose corn syrup and red dye #40 (gasp!).  I drew the line at eating the red frosting right out of the bag.  I actually pulled the bag out of Olivia's hands as she was squeezing red frosting into her mouth and said, "No honey, anything but that."  The funny thing is, I am pretty sure she knew exactly why I did it without even having to say, "red dye #40".  My children are walking natural food propaganda, and I am proud of it!

So, I think I am back in the blogosphere.  The last few months have not been easy.  My husband and I have completed mediation and will be divorced within the next few weeks.  It is for the best.  We will remain friends and raise our children in two separate loving homes together.  I do not blame him, nor do I accept all the blame.  We both made mistakes.  The thing is that neither one of us fought for each other, no matter how much we think we did.  The children are happy and healthy and dealing with "grief" as best they can.  Damien and I are both helping them through it.  It has been as friendly as a divorce could possibly be, in my opinion, and in the end I know we will be friends.

So, I went off the grid for a bit, but I think I am back.  As for my 365 project, it was not an epic fail, but it was not a success.  I probably missed about 10 days in the last few months.  Maybe as I slowly get back into daily blogging I will share some of my last photos.  Because I do not deem it a success, I will be starting a new 365 project on January 1st, so stay tuned.

But for now, I leave you with this quote:

"Don't cry because it is over.  Smile because it happened." ~Dr. Seuss

Raising Readers

I love books.  My kids love books.  I think my kids love books because my parents love books, and they taught me to love books.  So, I am teaching my children to love books.  It is my duty and I take it very seriously.

First they learn their ABC's and then they learn to write them.  In kindergarten they learn that these letters form words and that they can sound out these letters in a way so that they can actually read a word.  It is amazing.  I am amazed every day at the amount and level of books that Cameron can read.  Of course I believe this is a very important thing that he is learning. 

I also believe that if we had not read to him every day from the day he was an infant he would be further behind in this skill than he is today.  Cameron is interested in reading.  He is not just learning something because his teacher tells him he needs to, he is learning it because he wants to and books excite him.  And please do not misinterpret me here.  I am not saying that all children who are behind in reading are so because their parents do not read to them.  Nor am I saying that children who don't get read to by their parents will be behind in reading.  Every child is different.  I'm just saying that I think that we have helped to create not only a love for books in Cameron, but a passion for reading.

Olivia loves books too.  She loves to read the same ones over and over again and I don't mind.  Her favorite one right now is "Shoe-La-La".  It combines her two favorite things, shoes and books.  She can identify all her letters and a few words, but mostly right now she is memorizing.  It's all part of the learning process.  I am amazed at how many books she has memorized.  I will start a page and she will finish it.  Sometimes it only takes two reads before she knows the whole thing!

We read books every day.  In the morning, during snack, after lunch, after dinner, in bed, outside, in the car, at friends houses, at grandparents houses.  There is no place we frequent where we have not read a book.  The kids also observe me reading for pleasure whenever I have a moment of peace, or whenever they allow me a moment of peace.  There are books all over our house.  Seriously, there are books everywhere.  I decided to go around the house and take photos of the stacks, bookshelves and baskets full of books.  These are not rearranged or stacked just for these photos-- this is how I found all of these books.

One - The Library Stack - We have a special table just for library books so that we remember to take them back and do not lose any

Two - My Favorite Place - This is the stack next to my favorite chair.  Some of the books are always there, but some get replaced by new reads.

Three - The Living Room Bookshelf - The stack on top are my favorite parenting books that I always refer to and in the shelves below are things I have read that I have not been able to part with.

Four - The Bedroom Basket - We read about eight books before bed every night and they were getting left in little piles all over the bedroom.  A few months ago I got the brilliant idea to put a basket in the corner for the books that get left in my room.  I do have to weed it every week or so.

Five - The Playroom Bookshelf - One shelf in the playroom is packed so tightly with books it is no wonder there are stacks all over the house.

Six - Cameron's Room Basket - Next to his little blue reading chair is a basket of books.  I keep the "OLIVIA" series and Shel Silverstein books in here, plus some other classics from my childhood that I cherish.

Seven  - Cameron's Room Bookshelf - The "How Do Dinosaurs..." series resides here, plus some others that he loved when he was younger.  We pull them out every so often for trips down memory lane.

Eight - Next to My Bed - My current reads are kept here.  Right now I am reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" (re-reading) and "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" on my e-reader.  My e-reader is great for night reading when I don't want to turn on the light and disturb the kids.

There you go.  Not sure if you care ;) but there you go anyway.  Now I am off to bed to do some reading.  Nighty night my friends!

Day 147 - Inching Along

We spent a lot of time outside today, in between rain showers.  It is vacation week and my husband was home today.  Damien found this inchworm on his sweatshirt and the kids were fascinated by it.  They let it crawl all over their hands.  I just love this shot with Cameron's mouth in the background.  At one point he says, "He looks like a stick!"  We have a book called "Animals in Camouflage" so both of my kids know quite a bit about that natural defense.  Cameron quickly found a tree to put this little guy on and let him "disappear".  Then he continued to play "hide the toy vegetables" and have an "Easter Egg" hunt with Olivia.

I had a difficult time finding this little guy with my zoom lens and I'm not so sure about the focus.  Both photos look a lot better before I uploaded them to blogger.  I noticed that with my last few days of shots.  Has anyone else ever encountered this issue?

OK, so that is my 365 post.  My post will continue with a little bit about my day.  I need to warn you that this is definitely TMI, but I am going to do it anyway.  You have been warned.  If you do not want to hear about my girl parts, please stop reading now.

Guess where I went today?  Yes, and I brought my camera.  First, I think it is hilarious that they decorate these things with Easter socks, because that just makes the experience so much more fun.  

This was not just a regular visit.  Ever since Olivia was born I have been having an issue with my bladder.  I know this is one of those embarrassing conversations that women do not have except on commercials with Whoopie Goldberg, but here I am, telling you about it.  For the past four years I have had to cross my legs every time I sneeze or cough.  I can't run or even jump without peeing myself.  When I realized that it was not going to go away and that it was affecting how I played and interacted with my kids, I decided I needed to do something about it.

All the Kegel exercises in the world have not helped.  Olivia's birth was pretty traumatic to her as well as to me and my body.  I just thought the result was something I would have to live with for the rest of my life.  Then Dr. C told me about this surgery that he can do to fix my problem.  It is called a sling.  He can surgically place a mesh sling that will help close my urethra when I run, jump, cough or sneeze.  Obviously I had some reservations about it, but when I talked to him today he put my mind at ease.  I do not have to be under anesthesia, there will be no incision anywhere on my skin, and he has done the procedure hundreds of times.  Of course there are risks, but they are minimal and he is confident that it will help me.

That's all I wanted to share with you.  Maybe there is someone else out there who does not know there is a solution to the leg crossing, looking a fool while you sneeze problem.  Now you know.  Call your doctor!  Better yet, call mine because the bonus is he is really cute ;)

The "Perfection" Cure

I recently read this article, "The Disease called 'Perfection'" by Dan Pearce of Single Dad Laughing.  It was posted in a discussion in my 365project forum where I am a member.  It is a must read.  I think there is something in this article that everyone can relate to.  Here is an excerpt where he talks about the cure for the disease, "Perfection":

The cure is so simple.

Be real.

Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you. Once you cure yourself of the disease, others will come to you, asking if they can just "talk". People are desperate to talk. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will tell you of some of the greatest struggles going on. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will break down in tears as they tell you how difficult life is for them. Turns out some of the most "perfect" people around us are human beings after all, and are dying to talk to another human being about it.

You'll love them for it. And you'll love yourself even more.

Let's not forget this quote: "I went out to find a friend and could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere." Somebody who is being a friend doesn't spread "Perfection". Somebody who is being a friend spreads "Real". Then, and only then, can we all grow together.

He goes on to list his imperfections.  I have a fear that people think that I think I am perfect, so here is me getting real with all of you:

I recently sent an e-mail written in frustration trying to "fix" a misunderstanding and ended up making it worse.  I fear the relationship is now irreparable and I regret that.  

I get frustrated with my daughter when I have to ask her five times to put her shoes on, to the point where I raise my voice and yell.

I feel inadequate as a stay-at-home Mom on the days I do not have the energy to cook dinner and decide to order out instead.  I always feel like I have to explain myself because, while I enjoy that my children love my food, I do not enjoy cooking.

I feel sad if I feel like someone does not like me.

I struggle with my faith and question things I am taught about God.

I feel like because I do not have a career, I am not "worth" as much as working Moms.

I once got so frustrated with my son that I threw his mechanical dinosaur in the garbage.  I felt so badly about doing it and he was so sad.

I walked four miles every day this summer because I was afraid I was getting fat.

I am not a perfect person.  I make mistakes.  Sometimes I make mistakes every day.  But I try to learn something from them.  There is nothing wrong with trying to be the best at what you do, the important thing is knowing when to stop. I am happy with myself, my body, who I am and what I believe.  I have bad days, bad moments, grumpy "times", but I am a happy person.  I know that in reading my blog it may seem like I am trying to be perfect, or trying to show you that my life is perfect.  But, here I am, being real.  We are not perfect, I am not perfect.  I do not try to be perfect, but I do have weaknesses.  I recognize them, not every day and not all the time, but eventually, and I try to make things better.  My imperfections are what make me "me", and while it is important to try to improve "me" I need to recognize when to just let "me" be.


See the photo at the top of this post?  That's the photo I took after my hubby went to bed to fill my inappropriate need to live up to the fabulousness of other 365 photographers.  But I didn't use it and I'm glad I chose the one of my hubby helping me with the yarn.  (See, I'm growing.)

Every day there are moments of frustration in raising my family.  My blog is a way for me to find the happiest moment(s) in the day because it helps me see the frustration as insignificant in the big picture.  Maybe I'll try posting a little more of the "imperfect".  We'll see.

What about you?  Do you suffer from the disease of "perfection"?   Tell the world or just tell yourself, but I urge you to read the article and celebrate your imperfections.  

Caution: This Project May Be Hazardous to Your Health

Mental health aside (because we all know the 365 project can make even the sanest individual go a little bonkers) the 365 project almost cost me my foot.  I'm serious!

The other day, I was at the computer uploading photos.  I was supposed to be feeding the dogs, letting them out and taking a shower so I could get back over to my parents house and get the kids, but I was just going on the computer for a minute.  Ha ha ha ha!  A minute turned into 40 minutes!  I really have no idea where the time goes when I am on this computer!

My computer has been running a little slow lately.  I'm supposed to be backing up photos so I can get them off the hard drive, but again, it is something I keep putting aside until later.  So, my computer is slow.  When the minute turned into 10 minutes, I felt my foot start to go numb.  I guess I thought I would only be another minute, because I just ignored it.  When I finally got up from the chair I could not feel my toes, my foot or my leg up to my knee.  I couldn't even walk.  I looked down and my foot was gray.  Yikes!  I stood on one foot for a little while and watched as my numb foot started to get pink again.  Then the pins and needles started.  Ouch!

I'm telling you, I don't know how long you can go cutting off the blood circulation to your foot before you do damage, but I swear I was close.  365 project is hazardous to your health!

The Difference is Raw

Today I baked cookies for a cookie swap.  When I bake I use organic, unprocessed and local ingredients.  The friend who invited me to the swap has a similar food obsession when it comes to cooking for her family, but she told me not to use my expensive ingredients for the swap as the "quality" of the cookies I get will not be the same.  I heeded her advice, but I knew my kids would be eating some of these cookies, so I made two batches.

In the first batch (left) I used all my organic flour, turbinado sugar and raw brown sugar, local farm fresh eggs, organic vanilla and grain-sweetened white chocolate chips.  The only thing not organic were the macadamia nuts.

In the second batch (right) I used white processed sugar, my organic flour, processed brown sugar, my local eggs, organic vanilla and the same white chocolate and macadamia nuts.

I could not believe the difference!  The raw sugar produced a cookie that was lighter in color, even though the sugar is darker in color, and a rounder, thicker cookie.  The cookie on the right, with processed sugar, flattened out and just doesn't look as pretty to me.  When I watched them bake you could see the grains of raw sugar melting during the baking process while the processed sugar had dissolved during mixing. 

After a taste test, the one on the left tastes significantly better.  It is softer, and the turbinado sugar makes the white chocolate and macadamia flavors more flavorful.  I will never bake with white sugar again, and on this I shall not waver.  My friends and family deserve a better tasting cookie!

FO - February Lady Sweater!!!!

 

Two days ago I finally did it.  I bound off the last stitch of my February Lady Sweater.  This sweater was over a year in the making.  If you are a reader of my blog you may remember the day I had to rip out the whole body of the sweater because I made it two sizes too large.  After that sad day I was determined to finish the sweater in time for winter and I did it!  I am very happy with the end result.  You might see a lot of this sweater this winter because I am in love with it!

You also may have noticed there are not a whole lot of photos of me on this blog.  I am the camera person in the family.  My husband just isn't into it, which is fine, but makes it seem like I don't exist in family photo albums.  When I asked him to photograph me in my sweater for the blog he was happy to do it.  The kids thought it was so strange that I was having my picture taken.  They kept running over to get in the picture.  It took some time to get the first photo, but we had a fun 30-minute photo shoot.

Me and My Lists

I like to make lists.  I've talked about this before on my blog, but I found the most fantastic website for list- cravers like myself.  It's called DayZero Project.  It is a fantastic website idea that lets you make a list of 101 tasks you would like to complete.  As soon as you start entering the tasks a 1001-day countdown begins.  101 tasks in 1001 days.  It seems very manageable and you get to check things off the list as you complete them.  I'm pretty good at making lists, but sometimes I lack the follow-through.  I think that I neglect to give myself a deadline, and even if I do, there is nothing holding me to that deadline.

If I write the list down on a website and announce it on my blog then everyone knows what I need to complete and maybe I'll stick to the deadline.  (OK, maybe not everyone, but a few people who actually read my blog).  I'm not sure if you can access my DayZero list directly from the website, so if you are really interested I have created a new page on my blog called "101 in 1001" at the top right.

Well, I only have 998 days to complete my list, so while the babies are napping I better get cracking!  One of my list items is to blog about myself at least once a week, and I think this counts, but stay-tuned.  You may find out things you never knew about me!

You may have noticed that my blog has undergone some changes.  I'm a big fan of crisp, clean white backgrounds.  I am still working on new headers and other features, so stay tuned.

Also, a new feature is my linkbar at the very top of the page.  My handmades, favorite tutorials and blog roll pages can be easily accessed there.  Less clutter on the right and easier to maintain.  Again, there is more work to be done, but I am happy for now with my clean, white blog.

I have also added "What's Cookin'" to my right column.  I have been inspired by my friend Renee over at Mitchell Mayhem and am back to trying my hand at meal planning.  I was really good at it this summer when I only had my family members to care for.  My weeks get hectic during the school year, but I have found that I have got to make the time to plan ahead.  Not only is planning ahead easier on our budget, but it makes our days go more smoothly.  Thanks for the inspiration, Renee (I am a fan of giving credit where credit is due :)

Today I pureed broccoli, sweet potatoes, squash and cauliflower to add to the meals that are listed on the right.  I would like to imagine that my kids get their daily intake requirements of vegetables, but I know that this is not the case.  I will still offer the vegetables as a side dish, but it can't hurt to hide some additional ones in their food, can it? 

Tonight is homemade pizza night.  I have instructed my darling hubby to layer sweet potato puree on the crust before putting the sauce on.  I don't think the kids will even notice.  We'll see!

35 Things

Thirty-five things.  That's half of seventy.  Thirty-five does not seem old, until I said it was half of seventy.  Then, it seems old.  Anyway, here are thirty-five random things:

1. Waking up this morning to the sound of my baby girl's cast clomping across the floor.
2. Actually having a little time to knit during daylight hours, thanks to my darling husband.
3. Yummy Enchanted Broccoli Forest casserole from my friend MzChef.
4. Feeling warm and fuzzy hearing Olivia tell everyone she comes in contact with that, "Mommy made my purple hat."
5. Cameron's creativity blossoming in the past few weeks. 
6. Playing with play dough every day for the past two weeks and not caring how much of it gets ground into the carpet.  There is hope for me yet!
7. Decorating the Christmas Tree with two very enthusiastic children and one overly enthusiastic husband!
8. Planning for Christmas and Anniversary and Birthday celebrations.  December is one crazy month!
9. Feeling youthful.
10. Hiding iron-rich foods in baked goods.
11. Singing Frosty the Snowman to Olivia while she gets a new (purple) cast on her broken leg.
12. Looking forward to a weekend away with my husband.
13. Not looking forward to how much I will miss my children.
14. Dinosaur and forest fairy rooms.
15. Sleeping through the night without someone holding my hair is bittersweet.
16. Waiting for the first snowfall.
17. The possibility of a cast coming off before Christmas.
18. 35 is a lot.
19. Dancing to Christmas music, even with one good leg.
20. Knitting Christmas stockings for the whole family.  Very ambitious undertaking.
    
21. The handmade gift from my children: a decorated box filled with love.  Awwwww!
22. Being able to continue "raising babies" without having to be pregnant again.  
23. I love little Cameron.  He's so snuggly, especially right after he wakes up from a nap.
24. Longing to have just one more child, but living with the reality that we will not.
25. All my socks have holes in them.  
26. The look on Cameron's face when he was trying really hard not to tell me what my cake looks like.
27. The look on Olivia's face when she accidentally told me that they made me a cake.
28. My ability to self-reflect.  I will be the change I want to see in the world.  
29. Laughing as I realized Olivia wasn't just singing a random song at the top of her lungs in the store, but that she was singing all of the lyrics to "Single Ladies" by Beyonce.
30. Mickey Mouse pancakes.
31. Candlelight.
32. Edwards Street.
33. Not having to cook tonight.  
34. Knitting a sweater for myself.
35. Looking forward to the next 35 years and all the joy they will bring.

My Hair Is Gone

But it did go to a good cause.  Today I donated my hair to Locks of Love.  It is a non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children who have suffered from long-term medical hair loss.  I have been growing my hair out for about 18 months now with the idea in my mind to donate it when I could.  Well, the time came.

Before (hideous photo, but it does it's job.)

Chopping off 10 inches!

No going back! (Actually, I wasn't nervous at all.  I love short hair!)

Self-portrait of after.  (I don't know why I look surprised.)

A head-tilt so you can see the hair angle.  I love it!

 

The kids were upset that I was getting my hair cut.  Olivia does not have a security blanket/animal.  Her security is my hair.  She holds it at night, when she's tired or upset, and every second that she is able in between.  Cameron just isn't a fan of change.  He was afraid I wouldn't look like his Mommy anymore.  He said, "I like you the way you are."  So sweet!  I also think they thought I was going to shave it off, because that is what I would threaten anytime they pulled my hair.  Oops!

Well, there it is!  My hair is in the mail and I feel good!

Breathe NH - The Ride

On May 16, 2009 I rode my bike 56 miles from Portsmouth, NH to Ogunquit, ME. I was joined by my friends Casey and Lauren, and Lauren's Aunt Kathy. The ride was beautiful. We were surrounded by beautiful homes and scenery and the coasts of NH and ME. The weather started out cool and cloudy, but with a promise of clearing. The forecast said it would be in the high 60's. Ha! The coastal portions of the ride felt like winter! The wind was whipping and we were freezing. At the 49 mile mark, at the Nubble Lighthouse in York, ME, I wasn't sure I could go any further. With 7 miles to go, I was questioning my decision to ride 56 miles. But, with encouragement from my teammates and the sheer will to finish, I got back on my bike and finished the ride. My kids were there to cheer me into the finish line and I felt wonderful! Thank you everyone for your donations, encouragement and support. I'm looking forward to next year's ride.

Happy Mother's Day

I have two children. One of them is a pre-schooler and my baby is going to be two next week. How did this happen? (OK, I know how it happened, but where did the time go?) I am a mother. Since about as early as kindergarten, I have known that I wanted to be a Mother. What I didn't know is how much I would love being a Mother. As much as I like to think I am teaching them, every day I am in awe of the things I am learning from them. I love my children with my whole heart. They take my breath away and I am so blessed to be their Mommy.

My Mom and I have grown close since I had kids. My Mom and I were always close, but that volatile Mother/Teenage-Young Adult Daughter close most of the time. There were times growing up that I thought, "When I have kids I will never..." (fill in the dots with whatever upset teenagers back then). But now, I really understand my Mother. She was and is the greatest Mom I could ever have imagined.

Thank you Mom, for inspiring me, teaching me, healing me, loving me and especially for making me a good Mom. I love you!

All this talk about Mother's Day has Cameron wondering, "Mommy, how come there is never a Kid's Day?" I don't think I have ever laughed so hard. "Honey, every day is Kid's Day!"

Happy Mother's Day. Hope all you Moms have a wonderful and awe-filled day!

Sweet Ride

Here is a photo of my sweet new ride:



OK, she's not new. She's actually about 11 years old, but I haven't ridden my bike in 8 years! I have been wanting to ride again for a long time, but for the past four years I have been a little busy being pregnant or raising my children. But it was time to forget the excuses, cough up the dough to have the bike tuned, get on it and ride. Which is what I did last night. I rode over 12 miles in a little over an hour for my first time back, which I am considering to be pretty impressive!

A testament to how desperately I need to get out of the house and away from the kids for just a little while to take care of myself is in the story Damien told me when I got home from my ride. Apparently Olivia was acting a little strange when I left. She was standing by the door, just staring. Not smiling, not crying. Expressionless. When Damien would walk by she would say, "Mommy, take coat off," or "Want Mommy." Damien finally convinced her to go to the play room and play while he made dinner. When he went to find the kids (Cameron had the neighborhood "older" girls over to play) he could not find Olivia. He said he searched everywhere, including outside, closets, the bathroom. Finally, he walked toward our door to upstairs and there she was lying on her belly in the corner with her face in her hands. He panicked because he thought something terrible happened. When he got to her and picked her up, she said, "Where's Mommy?" Poor thing! I'm just always around, and she had no idea what was going on!

I should be ready for my Breathe NH ride in the middle of May. I'm going to try for 53 miles the first day and 35 miles on day 2. Thank you to everyone who has already donated to the cause! I'm more than halfway there.

I'm So Lucky

I feel so lucky that every day my only responsibility is to play and care for these beautiful children. Yesterday was so warm, we went for a nice long walk to run errands and ended at the playground. I just wanted to share this video of the three toddlers on the slide together.

Reflections and Resolutions

2008 was a year of change for the Sevin Family. This was the year I became a stay-at-home Mommy and Damien got a job as a full-time firefighter. These changes brought with them some struggle, but more joy. Joy beyond my comprehension. As I reflect on 2008, all I feel is blessed. We are happy, healthy and together. What more could I ask for?

Looking ahead to 2009, I resolve, as always, to be true to myself, my values and my family. 2009 will be filled with more love and more joy as we grow and nurture and surprise and amaze each other. I will take the lessons I learned in 2008 and use them to be better in 2009.

Besides all things relating to my family, I am really looking forward to January 20, 2009. Change is coming, and I will embrace it.

Happy New Year!