2/24/11

The "Perfection" Cure



I recently read this article, "The Disease called 'Perfection'" by Dan Pearce of Single Dad Laughing.  It was posted in a discussion in my 365project forum where I am a member.  It is a must read.  I think there is something in this article that everyone can relate to.  Here is an excerpt where he talks about the cure for the disease, "Perfection":

The cure is so simple.

Be real.

Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you. Once you cure yourself of the disease, others will come to you, asking if they can just "talk". People are desperate to talk. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will tell you of some of the greatest struggles going on. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will break down in tears as they tell you how difficult life is for them. Turns out some of the most "perfect" people around us are human beings after all, and are dying to talk to another human being about it.

You'll love them for it. And you'll love yourself even more.

Let's not forget this quote: "I went out to find a friend and could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere." Somebody who is being a friend doesn't spread "Perfection". Somebody who is being a friend spreads "Real". Then, and only then, can we all grow together.



He goes on to list his imperfections.  I have a fear that people think that I think I am perfect, so here is me getting real with all of you:

I recently sent an e-mail written in frustration trying to "fix" a misunderstanding and ended up making it worse.  I fear the relationship is now irreparable and I regret that.  

I get frustrated with my daughter when I have to ask her five times to put her shoes on, to the point where I raise my voice and yell.

I feel inadequate as a stay-at-home Mom on the days I do not have the energy to cook dinner and decide to order out instead.  I always feel like I have to explain myself because, while I enjoy that my children love my food, I do not enjoy cooking.

I feel sad if I feel like someone does not like me.

I struggle with my faith and question things I am taught about God.

I feel like because I do not have a career, I am not "worth" as much as working Moms.

I once got so frustrated with my son that I threw his mechanical dinosaur in the garbage.  I felt so badly about doing it and he was so sad.

I walked four miles every day this summer because I was afraid I was getting fat.

I am not a perfect person.  I make mistakes.  Sometimes I make mistakes every day.  But I try to learn something from them.  There is nothing wrong with trying to be the best at what you do, the important thing is knowing when to stop. I am happy with myself, my body, who I am and what I believe.  I have bad days, bad moments, grumpy "times", but I am a happy person.  I know that in reading my blog it may seem like I am trying to be perfect, or trying to show you that my life is perfect.  But, here I am, being real.  We are not perfect, I am not perfect.  I do not try to be perfect, but I do have weaknesses.  I recognize them, not every day and not all the time, but eventually, and I try to make things better.  My imperfections are what make me "me", and while it is important to try to improve "me" I need to recognize when to just let "me" be.


See the photo at the top of this post?  That's the photo I took after my hubby went to bed to fill my inappropriate need to live up to the fabulousness of other 365 photographers.  But I didn't use it and I'm glad I chose the one of my hubby helping me with the yarn.  (See, I'm growing.)

Every day there are moments of frustration in raising my family.  My blog is a way for me to find the happiest moment(s) in the day because it helps me see the frustration as insignificant in the big picture.  Maybe I'll try posting a little more of the "imperfect".  We'll see.

What about you?  Do you suffer from the disease of "perfection"?   Tell the world or just tell yourself, but I urge you to read the article and celebrate your imperfections.  

11 comments:

  1. Oh I know all about this subject. I've lost friends because they thought I needed to be perfect all the time. Over the years I've learned that no one is perfect. No one. We all can put on a brave face to the world, and it is normal to only share fustrations & shortcomings with trusted friends.

    We are all flawed...I loose my temper more than I'd like to admit...and I raise my voice too often. C'est la vie. We should learn to celebrate our imperfections more!

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  2. Aww, I can totally sense the sadness you feel through this post. I think I worry about being the 'perfect mom, wife, employee, etc' too sometimes. But lately I seem to feel a little more comfortable just being me. I'm not questioning it because I don't want to jinx myself! lol

    No one expects you to be perfect. I think that is a burden you are putting on you yourself, you know? Everyone loves you for who you are as NOT perfect. Those little imperfections of yours is what make you who you are. Sometimes I think we all make these unreal expectations of ourselves that we'll never realistically live up to. We all need to learn how to just accept ourselves the way we are and be gentler with ourselves. We are only here on this earth for a short time. Better make the most of it while we can.

    I think I'll stop here before I *really* start rambling...lol. Have a great afternoon! (beautiful pic btw!)

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  3. Amanda, I can relate to many of your admitted weaknesses. Over the last few years I've been working on shedding the masks I wear and just being real with others. I feel it's sometimes a really hard thing to do, but it is really freeing. Thanks for putting it all out there. And thanks for linking to that article - I'll definitely read it.

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  4. awesome post. I felt like I was reading about myself! I always feel like i have to portray myself with a perfect life, but I struggle with similar feelings, especially the stay at home mom thing. And I am always comparing myself with other photographers who seem perfect, feeling inadequate, trying to get my photos to be a good as theirs too. I totally feel you! oh and I love the picture.

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  5. Wow, you hit the nail on the head with so many of your comments. I think as moms, particularly, we struggle with feelings of self-worth, guilt, and our inner struggle to raise good kids, in a good family, with good values! I suppose every now and then, we should all take a step back, a deep breath and relax. Thanks for such a great post!!

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  6. Wow, what a powerful post. I thank you for sharing this with us, and I applaud you for your candidness and honesty. I remember talking with a friend a while ago about my blog. She said, you have such a happy life. I told her I do have a happy life and feel very blessed in many ways, but I have my struggles too but I don't blog about them, I only show you what I want you to see. I too must have suffered from the perfect disease then too. Since recently losing both of my parents, my shell has been stripped away and I've been brought to my knees. One of my goals with my 365 was to share my life, the good, the not so good, and the painful moments that I am experiencing in the face of grief and reality. I read the article you linked to and think it makes some really awesome points, and I'm inspired by the movement it's causing. And I want to give you a hug for sharing your imperfections. I can especially relate to your first one about your trying to fix things but actually making them worse. I just experienced a similar situation and it makes me sad every time I think about it. I actually blogged about it last night but haven't had the courage to publish it. After reading this, I think I need to just do it because it is what I am feeling in my heart and it is real, even if it isn't perfect. Thank you.

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  7. I need to go read this article. I can so relate to what you've said here. I applaud you for putting it out there. For being real. I am guilty of so many of the things you revealed. And many more.

    I try to be real on my blog, but I do put a lot of the "perfect" out there. For me, I am more of a glass half empty girl so putting out "the perfect" helps me realize how blessed and wonderful my life is.

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  8. This post really hits home. I think so many of us women want to look like we have it all together when we just want to break down into a 2 yr old tantrum. We want to look successful when we have no clue how to do it or get there.. I appreciate this. I think it's so important that us women stick together! That we help build each other up and support our strengths, fears, and emotions!
    I actually love the photo at the top, but the one of him holding the yarn was priceless. :)
    If I posted this, I wouldn't have been able to stop about what I feel guilty about, or how imperfect I am!

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  9. This is wonderful. I have many of the same things on my list of imperfections!

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  10. Thank you so much for sharing. I really struggle with blogging about the difficult parts of life-the imperfect parts. I don't put myself out there and only let y'all see what I want to be seen. Which, honestly, isn't much. I've been wanting to get more "real" with my posts but have struggled with how.

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  11. Talk about a dose of reality. That is exactly what I needed to hear today. I think many people, namely moms, suffer from the need to be perfect. Then we beat ourselves up when we are not. Thank you for sharing.

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